A l'Cie's Diary
by Sceada
Summary: The diary of a l'Cie from the ancient Paddra, several centuries before the fateful events of FF XIII unfolded. A simple man, torn out of his everyday life by a cruel diety to fulfil a dangerous mission, will he mange to find his way? Started in October 2010 and last worked on in May 2011 before XIII-2 turned my headcannon upside down. Uncertain if it will ever be finished.
1. Prologue: The curse of destiny

**Prologue: The curse of destiny**

"My life... It is over. After what has happened today, it is over. Everything is lost, now that it has happened. For I have been cursed on this very day. Cursed... by a fal'Cie.

We, the people of Paddra, had always led a simple and pleasant life. We may not have had exactly the comfort that villages like Haerii or the famous Oerba had, but little did it matter to us. We had what we needed; we could live from what we planted ourselves or hunted in our beautiful and majestic Yaschas Massif. Yes, our hallowed land of Pulse has been good to us, and so, we held the almighty Gran Pulse in high regard. Him, we respected. But not those creations of his, those wretched fal'Cie.

We people of Paddra, we do not need the fal'Cie. They have nothing to give us, which Pulse does not give herself already. And yet they still demand sacrifices from us. Sacrifices which we cannot decline presenting to them for fear of destruction were we not to follow their wishes, and sacrifices which we, despite all this, only can give reluctantly. For what they demand... are our best men and women.

We are all well aware that there are monsters in this world, both ferocious beasts and those who revolt against the blessed order Gran Pulse has given to us. We cannot deny this fact, and that there is a need to do something against them. But why is it that the fal'Cie, who have far more power than we mere villagers can ever hope to understand, need our men and our women to fight against them? Why can they not just fight out those battles on their own, being how oh so powerful they are supposed to be? Why do they have to curse the best among us, time after time, and rob them from our midst?

And this time, I was the one to be taken. It came as a surprise to our people, and especially to me, for I was far from being one of the best in our lovely Paddra. Many a man and many a woman has been working harder than I was, has been of greater virtue than I would ever aspire to be. And still, it was I who was taken. And I would be missed here, like every cursed l'Cie of Paddra before me had been missed.

Still, despite all my hate for his kind and all my loathing of him, I cannot come to deny that I was deeply impressed by the fal'Cie's mighty presence. He went by the name of Ramuh, and he was but one of the handful of fal'Cie that tended to come to our village to rob away our men and women, and yet, he was of a special kind to me. For it had been him who had taken away from me both my beloved mother and my cherished elder brother in but a few months. For this, I loathed and despised him more than any other fal'Cie there was out there. He had been the one to force the accursed fate of an l'Cie onto my beloved ones, stealing them away from me, and for this, I could never forget him. And still, I found myself admiring his sheer presence when he arrived to our beloved Paddra on this very day. And for this, I am deeply ashamed.

He had taken the guise of an elderly man, dressed in an almost colourless set of robes, and his wise face sported a long and white beard. He carried a little pipe with him, from which he would take a smoke from time to time, and he would have seemed completely ordinary and harmless, had it not been for the immense presence he emanated. Just by him coming to our village, everyone in all of Paddra felt how the air charged itself with electricity, and if you even just so much as looked at him, you would feel as if though lightning had just struck you down. I know this... for I was the one who did even look into his thunderous eyes on this accursed day.

I could not comprehend what happened to me, and I doubt I ever will. Never will I relive something the like ever again, so how would I ever be able to truly tell? But truth be told, I can say that in this short moment, this short instant in which his eyes met mine, I felt as if his presence had just extended to the very bottom of my soul. I cannot explain this feeling, but I know that the sheer might of this sensation is what made me admire him in those moments. And for this, I cannot forgive myself.

I know not why he selected me out of all us Paddrans, and neither do I know if it had anything to do at all with me meeting his eyes. All I know is that this accursed Ramuh then later announced my name as that of the one who would leave this village with him, in order to fulfil the Focus of his choosing. Unable to refuse, my fellow villagers – my friends and my family – they all stepped aside, presenting me thus to this accursed fal'Cie. So we could get over with it, so that he would soon leave our beautiful Paddra, and so that they all could go on with their lives, untouched by the fal'Cie. But I, I was to be touched, and to be cursed with this Focus...

There are many places that a fal'Cie may choose to place his brand on his poor victim. Some prefer the hands, others the shoulders, but there are also those who would often place them in spots most delicate, just for their own amusement. However bad and wretched this may be, everyone in Paddra, and in all of Gran Pulse, knew that one place was the worst, and was to be considered the highest accursed punishment: the face. A l'Cie that has his brand on his shoulder or on his chest may choose to hide it beneath his clothing, and thus conceal this curse that struck him. But one who would want to cover a brand on his face would not find it as easy, as instantly everyone would be suspicious of him. A covered face, some even say, is even more a sign of being a cursed l'Cie than if you would just show your brand to everyone. And Ramuh, may his name be cursed among those of my blood for all of eternity, he did choose to place it exactly there, upon my left eye. Never again will I now be able to show my face here again, in my beautiful hometown. Never again...

My last few hours in this, my beautiful home, are now slowly fading away. There is not much time left for me here in my beloved Paddra. Come sunrise, I will have to leave, for such is the law of the village. And now I find myself sitting here, completely isolated and alone in my home, with nothing left to do but to write these words here. I should be with my wife, my beautiful flower of the mountains, and tell her much I love her. How I will love her forever. But I cannot be permitted this. I cannot shame her any further with my presence and label her an outcast, for she will already have it hard enough as it is. It is she, after all, who will now be burdened with carrying the unborn child of an accursed l'Cie, not I. Oh, the fal'Cie are all so far away from being fair...

Soon, the sun will rise. And when it does, I will be walking along the road, which will lead me away from this, my beloved Paddra. Everyone from the village will be there, standing at the side of the road, bidding me farewell. But it will feel more like a funeral to me than anything else, and a funeral it is indeed, as we all well know. Because for a l'Cie, every road he walks is the road to death.

My name is Paddra Boreas Sceada, and tomorrow, come sunrise, I will leave my village, my friends and my expectant wife behind me, as I will walk the road to my imminent death. For I... am an accursed l'Cie."


	2. Chapter 1: Strange Powers

**Chapter 1: Strange Powers**

"It has been several days now since that hateful sunrise, when I had to leave my beloved Paddra, and still I cannot come to accept this my fate. How I long to be back in my hometown, how I miss the friendly smiles of my friends! Never will I see them again, for even if I were to return now and defy my cruel fate, all I would find in my friends' faces is hatred. I have always shared this hatred, back in those carefree and joyful days that seem so far away now, but now that I am the one standing on the other side, I cannot help but think it is wrong. Have we ever stopped to consider how they... how the l'Cie must feel? Suddenly hated by everyone they loved, suddenly forced to leave the very place they had spent all of their life up to this point? Have we ever thought about how sad and sorrowful it must be, no longer to have a home one could return to? Never. If we had, maybe things would be different. Things would be easier for me, and for those who share my fate. But alas, we never did consider their feelings... for we did no longer consider them humans...

But what good does it do me to lament this, our foolishness? It will not give me back what I do desire most, what I miss above everything else. It will not give me back the warmth she used to give me, it will not give me back the joy of holding her tightly in my arms. No, it won't give her back to me, and nothing ever will. No matter how much I miss her, never will I hold my beautiful wife in my arms ever again. Oh, how it breaks my sorry heart...

I wonder how she is doing, back home in our beloved Paddra. Surely, it must be hard for her, seeing how she now no longer is the cheerful villager, the one well-liked by everyone. The woman who's cooking was often joy to many more than just those of her family. Now, she will be but the wife of a cursed l'Cie. Abandoned by everyone, avoided by the villagers. How must she feel, I wonder? How will she be able to go on with her life, now that she is essentially an outcast? Will she be able to cope with it? And what will become of our unborn child? So may questions... and so strong the desire to just return to her side. But I can never be allowed to do so, and thus, never will I see her again. Curse you, curse you for branding me, Ramuh...

Without this wicked brand stuck on my face, I would be free. I could go back to her, I could live in Paddra once more, and all would be well. But, if I were to lose my brand now, would I even be able to travel back home? The road to Paddra is long, and infected with many a kind of vile monsters. Would I be able to make it, even if my brand faded, and with it the powers it gave to me?

For I cannot deny that they are truly helpful, these powers; yet I must also admit that they still do somewhat frighten me. They are so... unnatural, so strange and unfamiliar. And despite me now knowing how to call forth certain effects, I still do not know how they come to happen, or why they even work at all. Magic... I do not yet understand it. But despite that, I have come to value it in these past few days. Especially because I already owe my life to these powers...

Ever since our Paddran ancestors started recording and collecting their wisdom and culture on stone plates, and most likely even longer, there has been a truly special kind of feral creature in our beloved and beautiful Yaschas Massif. A beast, armed with mighty fangs and claws; able to tear a human apart with ease, and wearing a thick and most comfortable fur. A ferocious, yet rather blunt and stupid, creature, especially when it happened to be on its own, far off from its pack. Whenever we Paddrans went out to hunt, they would both pose a threat and a challenge to us. A threat, for they could very well kill us. A challenge, for despite us not hunting them on a regular basis, they were a more than welcome prey, should the hunters find it isolated from its pack. A most rewarding challenge, as it is, for the quality of both their meat and their fur was so exquisite, it was indeed unrivalled in our small world. The noblest of clothes, and the most delicious of feasts, awaited those brave hunters who felled such a beast, but alas, such a task was not carried out without a lot of danger, for they were truly ferocious, and if one didn't attack a single one of them with at least four companions, he could already abandon all hope of survival. Many a good man has fallen to its fangs since the times of old, and yet, one could still always find others willing to risk it when hunting in a larger group. For those who could boast themselves of having slayed one of the famous Lupus Yaschas were truly among the bravest in Paddra.

Just a single day after I had left Paddra, a single specimen of those Lupus Yaschas attacked me. Deeply frightened by the fact that I, as a lone human, could never stand a chance against it, I tried to run away. I did not want to be a mere snack on this beast's way, oh no, but all I managed was to find myself cornered by it. I already thought I was done for, and despite that, I still drew the one and only weapon I was allowed to take away from Paddra, and thus carried with me: A slightly curved, slender blade of folded steel. I can only assume that I probably did so in the hope of it giving me some sense of security and confidence, or perhaps I really was foolish enough to believe in it making an actual difference, minor as it may however be. I do not know this. But what I do know is that I certainly didn't expect what would then happen.

Desperate, I swung my sword at the enemy, prepared to die any moment now by its sharp fangs and claws, as the blade suddenly started to glow in a faint light. I did not know how or why back then, and even now, I am not entirely sure on those two points, but what happened, I cannot deny: As soon as my sword, faintly glowing, connected with the Lupus's skin, the beast was hurled back by a little, fiery explosion. Without even knowing it, I had just cast my first magic, a fire magic to be more precise. And as I was almost immediately to learn, the Lupus Yaschas were very susceptible to fire...

A wonderful and long fur is certainly something beautiful to behold, but as a protection against fire, it definitely does not qualify. It may not have been exactly beautiful, mind you, but it certainly was a spectacle in its own right to see a mighty Lupus Yaschas burning oh so brightly, desperate now itself to save its life. But it could not erase the flames, which raced one another across the Lupus's fur and burned its skin. It struggled in vain, and so did I do what only came natural to me: in order to protect my own life, I took the life of the beast...

Since that day I have been attacked by many vile creatures, for reasons I do not know of, and possibly never will be able to fathom. Perhaps they sense that I no longer am a human, and thus resent me, but that is just speculation. All I know is that their behaviour speaks an unmistakable language, just like my former friends of Paddra did: be gone, wretched being, be gone. We do not want a l'Cie here. The only difference between the beasts and the Paddrans in that point may be that the beasts actually attack me, intent on taking my life, while the villagers of Paddra only do one thing: hide behind their rules and traditions, as well as their hate of anything l'Cie. However, it does matter no longer to me, for they have succeeded, both monsters and Paddrans: I'm going to journey further north, away from Paddra, and perhaps even away from the Yaschas Massif. Perhaps I can find some days of peace in the Vallis Media that lies there; perhaps there I'd be no longer forced to fight...

In one hour, come sunset, I will continue on my lonely way."


	3. Chapter 2: Fate

**Chapter 2: Fate**

"In the past few weeks, I have come to ponder about this fate of mine, about the fate of a l'Cie. What is it that I have to expect from my life in the days that are still to come? Will I be among the lucky ones who manage to fulfil their Focus and fall into the hallowed crystalline slumber? Will I fall in battle and die, and leave this world forevermore? Or will an even worse fate befall me, and the time assigned to me run out, leaving me to be turned into a Cie'th and walk this world trapped in eternal pain and sorrow? I cannot know what my fate will be... but I doubt I will ever be able to laugh from the bottom of my heart again...

For I have come to realise that, should I truly succeed in my Focus and fall into crystal stasis, nothing would be left for me. What can I say would await me when I woke up again? Friends, or my family? Both have abandoned me the very day I was turned into a l'Cie, and even if they had not, who can honestly tell how long I'd be asleep? Who could guarantee me that they'd not be long dead by the time I woke up? The wheels of time stop for no one, and especially not for a l'Cie...

Time. Time is what I have come to fear most. How much or how little time do I have left, how can I tell? Back in my beloved Paddra, I have once heard that the shape of one's brand could tell one how close to turning into a Cie'th one had come, but how does one do it? What does the brand, which indeed has been growing slowly since the day it was thrust upon my eye, look like in its final stage? Am I already close to my end? I cannot tell, and this is exactly why I am struck with fear whenever I feel it growing; this, my accursed brand.

I don't want to be turned into a Cie'th; I do not want to end as such a crystalline monstrosity. Trapped in a body distorted by its own powers, which have taken it over. Turned partially into crystal, with a mind driven insane due to never-ending pain and misery, only bent on destruction... No one would wish to end like this. And still, many do find their end in this shape, and only seldom can you find the crystallized form of a l'Cie in crystal stasis. And furthermore, I am almost sure that most l'Cie don't even make it this far, and die while on the way to complete their Focus...

So why should I be the one to live through this all, with the odds stacked so high against me? Each second I am out in the wild, on the hunt after my target or training my powers, I could be attacked by an enemy I cannot handle, an enemy that could easily kill me. Take the famous ancient dragon Zirnitra for example: while there is not a one who can say for sure to have seen this legendary wyvern, there are many myths that state these very mountains of the Yaschas Massif to be his favourite hunting grounds, and there have been reports of travellers that just vanished from the paths, leaving no trace at all behind. How can we say for certain that it might not be Zirnitra's doing? And how can I know that I am not his next prey, seeing how long I have stayed now in these mountains all alone? I don't even want to think about how many l'Cie it might already have devoured...

I must admit that I have, and far more than only once at that, thought that I should just go back to Paddra. Back to the safety of my home, and even more importantly, back to my expectant wife. What do I care if that brings shame over me? It would any day be better than living according to this wretched curse, and I am sure that I could still have some good weeks or even months at the side of my beloved one. For all that is possible, I might even manage to see the birth of my child, and be a father, albeit it might only be for a short time. I could have everything I ever wished for back... If only there weren't the possibility of me turning into a Cie'th.

The rules of Paddra, that forbid l'Cie to remain in the village, may have been born out of the fear of the unknown that are we l'Cie, but there is also sense to them. For example, what if a l'Cie like me would turn into a Cie'th in the middle of his loved ones? Driven only by his instincts that know only of destruction, he would turn against the very people he has lived to protect, and who could in no way stand up to such a monstrosity - only a ferocious beast or a l'Cie could measure himself against them. And the newborn Cie'th would certainly not stop his wild rampage just at his family. There are indeed more than just a few tales of villages being wiped from the face of Gran Pulse due to a Cie'th running wild within their borders...

So, I cannot return; never. I cannot impose this terrible risk upon my former fellow villagers, and especially not upon my beloved wife. I know that as a Cie'th I would probably no longer be able to actually feel it, but still, I could never forgive myself should I ever hurt her. So I will have to continue my journey, and further train my powers. If I have no way to escape the fate of a l'Cie, then I will at least make sure that I do not end as a Cie'th. Become embraced by the sweet slumber that the crystal stasis promises – that shall be my goal, or to die on the way. Never do I want to hurt someone precious to me, no, and so, I shall fulfil my Focus as good as I can, so I won't ever turn into one of those monstrous Cie'th. This Focus is my burden, mine alone, and I shall carry it alone, so that no one but me will ever have to be harmed.

This is my path, and I alone shall walk it. And tomorrow, I shall begin to move forward, and leave the mountains of the Yaschas Massif, to start making my way to the Vallis Media. From there, I shall continue on the enormous Archylte Steppe. Hopefully, I shall find the target of my Focus there..."


	4. Chapter 3: Companions

**Chapter 3: Companions**

"When I was but a little boy, my father and the other villagers of Paddra would always teach me about the importance of being part of a group. No one, not even the best of villagers, could handle everything on his own, they'd say. Whether it'd be when hunting a lone Lupus Yaschais, or when building a house, it just could not be done without the help of others. Oftentimes would I then question this, and ask about all those heroes heralded in legends and folktales of old. Did they not defeat all those monsters and beasts all on their own? "My son," my father would then always say, "When you are older, you will understand." Today, almost two months after my father and his fellow villagers exiled me from our beloved Paddra, have I finally come to understand it.

I had made my way to the Archylte Steppe about a fortnight ago, and all this time, I did not find myself in danger. Surely, the monsters that inhabited this wide land were not to be underestimated, but they were nothing I could not handle on my own. It had truly been a rather easy journey through these plains, thanks to my ever-growing powers. But perhaps it had been too easy, for I was about to learn that overconfidence comes before a fall...

I had only noticed it in the last possible moment, thanks to its large shadow. Had it not been such a sunny day, and had the shadow not been there, I would have become its prey. So close it was I could already feel its breath on my skin the moment just before I managed to evade it by jumping to the side. The most unwelcome sensation of fear flooded my entire body, and I finally saw what had attacked me: an Amphisbaena, a kind of wyvern-like monster, rumoured to be the offspring of the legendary Zirnitra. Small in comparison to what legends knew to tell about its ancestor, but nonetheless big enough to swallow a good half of a grown man in one bite without breaking a sweat. And, from the look of it, I was to be its next dinner.

Never before had I had to fight a flying enemy, and so I did not know what to do. Attack with my sword? Trying to do so would most obviously be futile, for the beast was a clever hunter: it kept itself away from its prey just enough to be out of its reach, but near enough to keep it in its own. Then, furious and intent on devouring me, it would dive at me and try to rip my head off. How was I supposed to defend against such a tactic? Struck by fear, I could only think of one way: I had to run. Run, and try to escape. But how could I ever hope to outrun a predator a good five times as fast as I?

I was already certain that my life would come to an end any second now, when suddenly the Amphisbaena was hit by something that caused him to stop his assault. I couldn't quite make out what it was until a second one hit the beast, and then I saw it: stuck in the creature's neck was a quarrel – a bolt made for a crossbow, which was a weapon wielded solely by humans. But how could this be? How could humans be wandering these monster-infested plains? And why would they help me, a lone traveller? Before I could even start to ask myself these questions, a huge icicle rose from the ground and pierced through one of the beast's wings. Unsure what to think about what had just happened, I could only watch in astonishment as the giant wyvern fell from the skies. What in Gran Pulse's name had just happened?

"Don't just stand there all puzzled! Do something!" These words were shouted at me by a female voice before I could even begin to understand what had happened. Surprised by this, I immediately turned my head, looking for the source of these words, and that was when I first saw them, running in my direction: a young woman, with a sword clutched tightly in her hand, and a man wearing some strange, almost colourless clothing resembling a robe, and holding a crossbow. Who were they? What were they doing here? Why would they want to help me? Questions over questions... but it was not the time to ask them. For as soon as these two strangers joined my side, the battle against the no longer airborne Amphisbaena began.

It was an intense battle, and I didn't care much about asking questions. Too strong was the adrenaline pumping in my veins, as I did my best to slay the very beast that just moments ago had filled me with fear. I don't know why that is, but having someone to fight at your side gives you a feeling like you could master just everything. This feeling... it gave me wings; wings which I felt could take me anywhere. Still, I did not only care about me, as that would not have been right. After all, these two did save me, so what kind of a man would I be if I did not try to return the favour? However, there was no need to – those two could more than just handle themselves. For they were apparently fellow l'Cie.

In the case of the man, it was most obvious. Who else but a l'Cie could conjure a thunderstorm by a gesture of his hand? Also, he somehow managed to weaken the Amphisbaena considerably during the battle, a feat which cannot be explained without the use of magic. However, all this power seemed to come at a cost, as he appeared rather frail and vulnerable to my eye. It certainly was fitting that he chose to stand in the back row, and not directly at the front.

For the young woman however, this was not an issue. Judging by the way she plunged into the battle, one almost had to think that she was born to fight at the front. So straight forward and aggressive... - Never had I seen a woman of Paddra act like this and no visiting woman as well. All in all, I had never before seen a woman like her. Always on the offense and attacking – and that, both with her sword and with magic, for every now and then she would let another one of those icicles rise below the Amphisbaena. Truly, she was someone I'd rather not have to oppose...

Faced with such a fierce assault, the Amphisbaena could not last long, and soon did his blood beddable the dry earth beneath its lifeless body. The very beast that only moments before had aimed to take my life had now found its end through my hands, and those of the two strangers. Grateful, I thanked them for their help and asked what I could do to pay them back. Before the man could even begin to think about what I could do to help him, the woman had already taken the word. "Pay us back? Don't make me laugh! As if you could do something that would help us!" Just forget about it, it's alright. After all..." Saying this, she pointed at the brand covering my eye, "After all, we are all l'Cie, and sit in the same boat."

After having been turned into a l'Cie, I had believed that never again I would find people willing to help me in times of need. After all, we of Paddra had always been taught that a l'Cie was a cursed being, and if we were to get too close to them our lives would be cursed as well. And now, there were fellow l'Cie that had helped – no, that had saved me from a ferocious beast I alone could never have handled. Suddenly, my entire view of the world had once more been turned over.

But, as if this were not enough, the two of them would even ask me to join them, and travel at their side. "Like she said, we are all in the same boat. There is no need for one of us to swim alone and risk going under." Thus were the words of the man, who would then introduce himself as Haerii Medeis Nemo. A l'Cie of Haerii, the village where life was rumoured to be so much more comfortable than in my beloved Paddra, and where, according to what rumour could tell, l'Cie were not considered accursed ones. Perhaps I would find the time and moment once to ask him if this were true... or her, for she also hailed from Haerii, and had the name Rin Tasha. She also wished for me to accompany them, since I was, "after all, surely not as useless as I first appeared to be," or at least, that was what she said. So, I agreed to travel with them, for I wished to no longer remain alone. Ever since I became a l'Cie, I had secretly wished for companions, for someone to share my fate... - And now, I had found some.

Haerii Medeis Nemo... Haerii Rin Tasha... and I, Paddra Boreas Sceada. We three will, from now on, be travelling alongside each other. We three, we were all l'Cie, and thus in the same boat. And with Gran Pulse's blessing, we three would all complete our Foci. For together... we were stronger."


	5. Chapter 4: Of Fun and Revenge

**Chapter 4: Of Fun and Revenge**

"It has now almost been a whole month since the three of us decided to travel together, and much has happened in that time. An entire month together with Nemo and Tasha... - Already can I no longer imagine travelling alone. How could I decide on walking my path all alone when having companions as formidable as these two just seems so much more natural? And even more than that, when it actually is fun?

And fun it has been, at least that is how I feel it. Perhaps I shouldn't even come close to considering it as such, for after all, we three still face a fate most cruel and accursed, but... it is as they say: If life gives you lemons, why not just make lemonade? And in all honesty, ours was one fine lemonade...

For example, whenever we are making camp and rest, there is a rather cheerful atmosphere. We tell stories of our former homes, some nostalgic, some amusing, we joke about what happened during the day... - Yes, it was indeed fun to travel with the two of them.

Especially, Tasha often gets me to laugh, most of the time due to how she acts towards Nemo. For instance, she likes to show herself off a bit as superior, and command her companion around a little, something which never fails to irritate Nemo, especially when she demands that he shall go searching for firewood instead of her whose turn it would be. Nemo never seems to grow tired of trying to lecture her for this, but alas, as far as I can tell, all his attempts are futile and simply get waved off by Tasha. This in turn would leave me smiling, amused, which would then led to the others smiling, and in the end, we'd all be laughing. And the next night, this would repeat anew.

But not only had our amusement grown by the day now that we were travelling together, our battle power also increased drastically. Admittedly, it took some time and effort to get our teamwork right, but now that we have gotten accustomed to fighting alongside each other we truly are a force to be reckoned with. It all just depends on every one of us concentrating on his role and following after the directions given by our leader - a duty which would often be fulfilled by Nemo. After all, he had the best eyes out of the three of us, and was the most proficient one at preserving the battle's overview.

Ah, but the roles... Those are what took me the longest to understand, and both Nemo and Tasha had to explain it to me more than just once. Basically, it was a system invented in the far-north Oerba, designed to help groups of l'Cie stay organized in battle and improve teamwork. It relied on the separation of a l'Cie's powers and skills into six different Schools, each one holding certain, specialized purpose in battle.

For example, there was the School of Enmity, which revolved around the use of one's weapon or fists in direct combat. It could hardly be called a particularly inspired School, but still, one should not look down on it, for it provided the most direct and effective way to cause an opponent harm. Unlike the rather frail Nemo, Tasha and I were rather adept in the ways of this School, and would often make use of its techniques, much to the monsters' chagrin.

My most favourite School, though, was the School of the Elements, and my two Haeriian friends agreed with me on this. Its main focus was on the manipulation of the elements to use them for various attacks. In particular, the possibility of charging one's weapon up with a spell for one strike was among my favourite traits of this School. Truly, it was a most magnificent School, and if I ever would make my way to Oerba I would not hesitate to join their l'Cie in their training and strife to master it in its entirety.

That was however something I could not say about the School of Prevention, for I just seem unsuited for it. In essence, this School focuses on drawing the enemies' attention and thus protects one's comrades from harm. A noble way of fighting, so much is undoubtedly true, and in all honesty, I hold deep respect for everyone who follows this path like Tasha does to some extent, but it was neither something for me nor the physically weak Nemo.

Much more to Nemo's fancy were the ways of the School of Discouragement, in which he excelled. Devoted to weakening foes through the use of magic, it was certainly a very adept School, and also one well suited for Nemo who most obviously liked to see our opponents fall apart on their own. And I must admit that I did as well take some delight at such a sight and thus consider studying those arts as well - And that was something, that the straightforward Tasha did not understand. For her, anything short of a frontal attack was to be considered cowardly, after all.

Something which all three of us had trouble understanding was the School of Enhancement. Strengthening your allies and enhancing their abilities with the finest of magics... - It seemed that this was on a level unreachable to us. The only one who was able to grasp the foundations and master the basic spells of this School was Nemo, and even he would only cast them reluctantly, so refined were these arts.

Last but not least there was the School of Reinvigoration of which we all had an understanding that may have been far from complete, but was at the very least quite decent. Healing minor wounds, curing negative status ailments and tending to the unconscious - This we were capable of, and that was enough for the three of us. However, if there ever should come the worst to happen, we'd probably be in over our heads, so we were always cautious not to let things get this bad.

Although, to be entirely honest... Things have taken a turn for the worse just this very day. While we were still wandering the vast Archylte Steppe, heading for no particular destination, Tasha who usually walked ahead of us suddenly collapsed. Alarmed and worried by this, Nemo and I instantly hurried to her side to see if she was injured - An unwelcome sensation of fear gripped our hearts when we saw what had happened.

The brand of a l'Cie starts out small, with only a few arrows. Over time, the arrows begin to multiply, grow in their number and size and eventually, an eye begins to form. It is said that when this eye opens completely, a l'Cie's soul is forfeit and he ends a Cie'th. So, one could say that the brand was like a timer on one's Focus - A countdown to eternal perdition.

And here we were, watching Tasha's brand change its shape, growing and covering even more of her left hand. And as if this would not have been bad enough, there was also an eye beginning to form beneath her glove.

We had always known that out time was indeed very limited. Every l'Cie knows this, and it fills him or her with fear. Yet, still... Somehow we had forgotten about this. Over all the fun we had, we had begun to forget our regretful fate and now... Now it had come back to hit us like a boomerang.

The growth of the brand had left Tasha with a strong fever, and so it was up to us to take care of her. Out here, in the middle of the nowhere that is the Archylte Steppe, this was easier said than done. Any time could a ferocious predator choose us as its next meal, and we needed a safe place where she could rest. And furthermore, we had to be close to a supply of fresh water that we could use to cool her fever down. - Had it not been for Nemo and his cool head, I am afraid that I would have panicked over all this and then Tasha's life would have been in serious danger. Gran Pulse be praised that he was there, and that he was fully capable of taking things into his hands...

After we had taken care of Tasha and taken her to a safe place, Nemo and I kept a look out to ensure that no beast would come and think our unconscious companion an easy prey. It was then that Nemo began to tell me about Tasha's past...

She had been born into the Rin clan, which was somewhat renowned in the village of Haerii, and well respected. Thus, she had always been desired by men aiming to raise their status through marriage. Tasha had told him how she had always hated that, being treated only as a tool to increase one's reputation, instead of being seen as a person. It goes without a saying that every last one of these wooers was refused by her... - That is, until there arrived one who didn't just see her as a mere tool. One, who really saw her as a person, saw her for what she really was: A young, lonely woman longing for someone to understand her, to really love her. They seemed to be made for each other, and a previously unfelt happiness had filled Tasha's heart. This had been what she had always dreamed about, and thus, hers was utter bliss.

But as Nemo told me, it was sadly not meant to last. One day, another wooer arrived, hailing from the far north. He claimed to be a nobleman, rich and of high status and according to Nemo, he had not been bad-looking either. In other words, there stood a man fully convinced of himself, and sure that he was a pretty good match. His true nature however, hidden behind a facade of politeness and courtesy, was that of a vile snake, as became evident when he was denied the maiden of the Rin clan's hand. Driven by hatred, anger and hurt pride, he envisioned a plan most vile and treacherous, of which Nemo knew not the details. Tasha had, back then when she told him, not wished to remember this cruelty, and he had honoured her wish. It was evident either way what had happened, for everyone in Haerii was soon talking about it. A murder so atrocious had, after all, never before happened in the village...

What happened afterwards is easily explained. The culprit had fled Haerii, and Tasha remained bereft of her beloved. And driven by her anger and grief, she had turned to the fal'Cie in order to gain the power to take up her late lover's sword and avenge his death. The fal'Cie had heeded her plea... - And so revenge had become her Focus.

By the end of the story, Tasha's fever had come down a fair bit and she was sleeping peacefully. Seeing her like this and thinking about how cheerful she usually was towards both Nemo and me, I had trouble believing that she was indeed driven by revenge... - But it must have been true. Why would Nemo ever lie to me about such an important matter? There was just no reason to doubt his words...

After a while, he started asking me about my Focus. What was it that I had to accomplish, and more importantly, where? Seeing as all I knew was just a collection of fragments of images burned into my mind, I had problems answering him. All I could unpuzzle myself was that I had to slay a ferocious beast, and that it appeared to have made its home in a small valley, or something of the sort, that was rich in water. "Ah, the Font of Namva... - that lies to the south of here... So it is exactly in the wrong direction..." Those were the words he said after hearing my story, and they confused me greatly. In the wrong direction? What was that supposed to mean?

What he told me then surprised me deeply. It had been the wrong direction, because he knew where Tasha could find the murderer of her beloved, and that was to the north, almost all the way to Oerba. However, this was something he had not told Tasha. When I inquired him as to why he had not done so, he said this: "Because... Because I had wanted to continue travelling with her... If I had told her, she would not have hesitated a second to leave for the north, and soon she would have succeeded and be turned into a Crystal. And that... I... I just wanted to enjoy as much of the time left to us, do you see...?" - Oh, and I did understand him, yes I did. But fate had not left us with a choice here...

"We have to tell Tasha, Nemo. You know we have to. Enjoying our time is a wonderful thing indeed, but we cannot risk Tasha's life. Her time has started to run short; you have seen her brand. We must hurry north with her before it is too late, don't you see?" Nemo could only nod to these words of mine, albeit he did so only a little bit reluctantly. "I... I assume then that this is goodbye. Your goal does not await you in the north after all..." - "What are you talking about? I'll accompany you two on this path!" - "You mean...?" - "Yes. That is exactly what I mean Nemo. What kind of a man would I be if I'd just abandon my friends in their time of need? No, that's not the kind of man I'd want to be - And, after all... You two... You two are all that's left to me..." My decision was clear, and I could see that Nemo was a little bit surprised by this. But soon he smiled contently and placed his hand upon my shoulder. "Thank you, my friend..."

Our course is set. As soon as Tasha is well again, we shall make our way to the north, where the Mah'habara mountain range awaits us. A challenging hurdle, that much is certain, but we shall overcome it. For Tasha. For our friend."


	6. Chapter 5: Friends

**Chapter 5: Friends**

"The Mah'habara mountain range, located to the north of the vast Archylte Steppe is truly gigantic. Like a natural wall it separates the northern lands from the south and divides our world, seemingly unsurpassable save for a few small paths. These paths are the only thing that connects the two regions at present, and they are not easy to pass. Many a poor unprepared soul has met its end here, only because they had taken a wrong turn and found themselves tumbling down a cliff

So why, I couldn't help asking myself, why did we have to take one of those dangerous routes? Why could we not take one of the slightly less murderous paths? I know that there are roads of sorts made by travelling merchants that travel between Oerba and the towns down in the south like Haerii, and that they are less dangerous. Less vicious monsters await one on these paths, and the inclinations are smoother, leading to an overall easier journey. True, it is still nonetheless dangerous, but considerably less so than the road that we had been travelling on for the last three days.

So why? Why did we have to choose this path when we arrived at the mountain ranges foot three days ago? The whole time I have kept silent despite not agreeing with this decision, and the same could be said for Nemo, who obviously had trouble keeping up, which was not surprising given his rather frail body. But he did not complain, and so we both silently accepted Tasha's decision to pass through here - that is, until the incident earlier today...

It happened as we were climbing an exceptionally dire inclination. Nemo had serious trouble with it, and so I choose to stay behind him in case something would happen, while Tasha pushed ahead, eager to cross these mountains as fast as possible. Looking back, I can't help but considering my action wise, for it was this very decision that allowed me to act in time when suddenly, without any warning, part of the slim path broke away beneath Nemo's feet. Let Gran Pulse be praised that I was able to leap to his side and grab his hand, halting his fall down the mountains side and thus preventing him from joining the divine Etro's side all too soon.

With our hearts shaken after this accident, Nemo and I demanded a moments rest, or rather, we would have wished to, but Tasha's eyes were not open for such a proposal as we had to learn. "What's this, guys? We've no time to be lazing around, come on?" Having briefly just finished speaking these words, Tasha had already turned around, set to continue on her path - But before she could start to move, I had already lost my temper and began shouting: "Are you out of your mind Tasha?! Just now, Nemo almost fell down the cliff and died! And you want us to keep on rushing like mad men?! Do you want to kill us or what?" No sooner had the words left my mouth than I already began to regret them. How could I have said such a thing? How could I have insulted her like this? But it was already too late to apologize, as Tasha had run away - with tears in her eyes.

"That... that was too much my friend... You shouldn't have... said so much..." That was all Nemo could say after Tasha had gone, and he was certainly correct. But I could not answer him, knew not what to say myself. Why...? Why had I been such a jerk right now? This question did not let me go; this question choked me tightly and robbed me of my voice.

Thus, Nemo had to be the one to talk and break this sorrowful trance I had fallen into. "You said too much Sceada... - Yet I can understand how you feel. You were concerned about my, no, about our all wellbeing, and for this... I have to thank you." "Please do not, Nemo. One who shouts at a friend like I did is not deserving of your thanks." "Ah, but you still saved my life, did you not? So don't beat yourself up about it, I am sure Tasha will understand as well if you apologize to her. Trust me; I've known her longer than you do." "If you say so... then we should follow her." And so we set out to pursue her.

Doing so was not an easy task, oh no, not in the least. The path still was dangerous and risky, but thanks to no longer hurrying as much it at least stopped feeling suicidal. And even more, I actually started to see one huge advantage this path held in comparison to the others, supposedly safer ones: Even the monsters avoided it. While travelling groups on the other paths would quite regularly see themselves under attack of feral beasts, we had been spared almost entirely of such attacks. Thus, I started to wonder... Had Tasha perhaps chosen this path knowing this and with the intention of protecting us from any monsters? With every second that I thought about it I began to feel worse for shouting at her.

It took us half the day to catch up to her, and night was already falling when we did. She had decided to make camp rather early and had chosen a rare spot on this path to do so: A flower filled fissure. It had been more than just the three days that we spent on this path since I had last seen flowers, and normally they would have already been enough to put my heart at ease. But this time, no flower could put my sorrowful heart as much at ease as did the sight of Tasha in their midst. Finally, finally we had caught up to her. Finally, I'd be able to apologize.

An apology can be a strange thing. At times, it can be all we desire to hear from another person, while at others, it might be exactly the thing we want to give another one the least. Also, while we may often find that the word 'sorry' can be said all too easily there are also times when no other word could be harder to say. An honest apology does not come easy over ones lips, no matter how strongly he feels the words in his heart - Yes, sometimes, 'sorry' really seems to be the hardest word.

And so I found myself struggling with the words that my heart held when I approached Tasha. Where was I to begin? How was I to say it? Despite having had half a day's time to think about this, I was at a loss and all I could so was stammer around: "I... Tasha, I... I wanted to..." "Don't, Sceada... It's alright, you don't have to apologize..." - Tasha's words may have caught me by surprise, but they did also serve to strengthen my resolve to apologize to her, and thus ended my stammering. "No, I have to Tasha. What I did today... What I said to you... - I cannot just leave it at that without apologizing to you." "But I just said you don't have to!" The thought of me apologizing for what had happened seemed to anger Tasha. "You and I, we both know that what you said is true Sceada! By rushing the two of you over this dangerous path I have almost killed you two!" "But Tasha, you did not..." - "But I could have! And I wouldn't even have noticed! You guys could have died and I did not even notice it! Just what kind of a friend am I?! You'd be better off withou-" Tasha could not finish her sentence. For I had slapped her before she could.

"Don't you ever dare thinking like that, Tasha!" For the second time on this day I had acted on impulse and not thought about what I was doing. But unlike the first time I would not feel regret afterwards. "Listen Tasha..." I then began in a much softer voice, while I gently grabbed her shoulders with my hands. "We three... we are all l'Cie. We have no one left but us, so why should we seek to separate? There is no way we would want you to leave Tasha... Nor would we be better off without you. So please... please don't say such a thing..."

With her hand holding her cheek Tasha looked every bit the surprised little girl that did not really understand what just had happened. I still gently held her shoulders and looked at her expression, which slowly began to change as she started to understand my words. As such, I did naturally not miss the one lonely tear that soon made its way from her eye over her cheek before I gently wiped it off. At that point, I realized that I had been too bold, and so I immediately backed off. Slightly ashamed, I turned around and started to walk back to where Nemo stood. Neither of us three did say a single word following this.

The awkward silence created by this lasted the entire night. Tasha and I could not face each other, and obviously neither of us wished to talk with Nemo about this all. Seldom had a night felt this heavy a burden for me before, and so I cannot deny having felt somewhat relieved when the other two went to sleep, leaving the night watch to me. I felt relieved and calm as I watched the beautiful full moon, letting my mind wander to better times when I had watched it alongside my wife. I started to wonder how she was, and if our child had been born by now. Was it a boy or a girl, and would it be alright despite not having a father to care for it? Or had perhaps my wife found a new man to stand at her side, one who could take care of her and the child? These questions worried me deeply, and occupied my mind so much; I would no longer have noticed it were something to happen.

And so it caught me by surprise when suddenly Tasha sat down beside me, breaking the silence in the process: "You know... that really hurt. The slap I mean." Shocked by her sudden appearance I almost leapt to my feet and my heart started to race, but seeing her face still quickly calmed me down. "Ehm... yeah, sorry about that... I shouldn't have..." "No, it's alright Sceada. I think... I think I need that, you know? Otherwise... otherwise I might have said something I would have regretted later, you know? So... thank you." "You don't need to thank me Tasha. That's... that's what friends are for after all, right?" Mentioning this word seemed to have a great deal of influence on Tasha, for now she suddenly lowered her head, as though the thought of friends made her sad, which somewhat worried me. "Tasha...? Is... is there something on your mind...?" "Mmh? Oh, it's... it's just... I've never had friends, you know?"

Hearing this confused me, for I remembered how Nemo told me about me how popular Tasha was in Haerii and so I couldn't help but asking her what she meant with that. After all, if she truly had been this popular, how could she not have had any friends? It was hearing her answer that finally enabled me to understand Tasha and why her Focus was so important to her. "Being popular... is not the same as having friends. I may have never been alone, but... but they all just saw me as my father's daughter, not as Tasha. To them, all I was was the Rin clan's only daughter and an entry ticket into this prestigious clan. All they ever thought about was themselves... - Never did they stop to consider my feelings. No one did. That is... until he appeared."

"He was different from all the others. He did not care for my status or my clan; he only wanted to get to know me. At first, I mistook it for another of their petty schemes to win my grace and remained sceptic to his approaches. But then, I began to talk with him, began to learn about him while he learned about me. Together, we learned to understand each other... - and before I knew it, he was not only my friend, but also the man I fell in love with..." For a moment, Tasha seemed like she was reliving this dream, having a content and peaceful smile on her face. I must admit that I caught myself in that moment thinking how beautiful she looked smiling like that, and that I wished to protect that smile, despite the foolishness of this wish...

But the smile was not fated to last, sadly. For now, the memory of how she lost her beloved was bound to come to Tasha's mind, and as soon as it did, her smile died. "Then this... this monster appeared, and tried to woo me like many before did. I told him I wasn't interested, but he just didn't stop, until I told him that I already loved another man. This beast had then seemed insulted by this, and I took that as a sign that he wasn't going to pester me any longer. But I was wrong..." Anger now filled her face, as she clenched her fist at the very thought of what had happened. Did she perhaps blame herself for it? Or did she just curse the cruel fate that robbed her of her beloved? I don't know. All I know is that she was hurt deeply by this loss.

"He... he took him away from me. This bastard killed him, killed my only love, the only friend I ever had... I... It is this monsters fault that I am all alone again, that I... I..." At this point, I gently laid my arms around Tasha and held her. We both, we just sat there, under the lonely moon, without saying a word while I held her. Finally then I said what was most important, what Tasha probably needed to hear the most: "You are not alone..." I felt how Tasha's tense body started to relax. For a while, we sat there like this, before I finally let go and slowly stood up, "Tasha... You are no longer alone. You've got Nemo and me. We are there for you... We are your friends. And I believe that Nemo would agree with me when I say now that we booth don't want to see you unhappy..."

I noticed that yet another tear made its way over Tasha's cheek when she heard these words, but this time, it was followed by a smile. And this smile, it somehow made me happy, as did her words: "Thank you... my friend." After this, she stood up as well, and stretched herself "Well... would you look at the time. I really should get back to sleep, mmh? I hope I can leave the night watch to you, alright?" I simply nodded with a small smile on my lips, after which she nodded as well and turned around, heading for where Nemo already slept soundly. There was just one thing she said before she left me on my own for the night: "Thanks... for being such a good friend."

The night has yet to pass, as the moon is still shining brightly on the firmament. I will be sitting here alone for the night, but I won't feel lonely, for I know that I have friends at my side. And these friends, I will protect, come what may. For as long as I live, this I swear on my life. Because to me, they are all that I have left... - and the most important thing on all of Gran Pulse."


End file.
